“Stop crying! Save your tears for when your mother dies.” Chongmi
Michelle Zauner creatively writes a memoir of her mother through stories of how Chongmi showed her Asian kind of love — food and tiger-style parenting
I read this while I was going through a difficult phase in my life: my father is terminally ill. But even on top of that emotional rollercoaster I am going through with my personal life, I can definitely say that this book hit whatever it is in my tear ducts; I can’t help but explode with tears.
It is a lovely tribute.
It’s like a love letter of a daughter unveiling her undying love and the memories with her mom.
It is an homage to a lingering feeling of gratitude and grief.
It is a piece of reflection of how painful it is to lose a loved one.
Chongmi is unique in her own beautiful way. There are habits, principles, and beliefs that only Asian moms like Chongmi could instill to their children. And I completely relate to that with Michelle’s storytelling.
What made me believe that Michelle is a genius storyteller is that I can’t help but cry and feel the emotions through her words. This book is simply too good; one can finish this in one go. I just really had to pause several times because I can relate so much to her struggles with my dad suffering illness at the time when I was reading it. He passed away 3 months after. When I was reading the book, I couldn’t image the pain of losing a parent. And now that my dad is gone, that piece of feeling keeps on lingering within me. The longing for someone you know would never come back.
We all have that unique connections with our loved ones. And when life suddenly whispers, “your time is up,” we can’t help but long for more—more time to say goodbye, more time to express our gratitude, more time to honor their place in our lives. Sometimes, we wish we wouldn’t even have to say goodbye.
How to bid goodbye to a parent? I can only pray not to know.
“The yardstick to one’s life lies within oneself. And that’s good enough.” — Hwang Bo-reum, 2022
They say books help you reimagine a different life outside of yours. That is why I like reading books. It helps me get distracted in the current chaos of the world. I have been trying to go back to reading recently as I lost the habit due to busy schedules. I promised to go back to reading and this book is a good start. When I started reading Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop, I struggled to like it. But a few more chapters later, I began to appreciate its beauty. It was just the best pick for me at this time.
The book is a slice-of-life type of reading. It attempted to discuss debatable topics such as employment, finding meaning in life, and pursuing happiness. It bravely touched on some aspects of divorce, too.
More than the plot, I liked how the author created colorful characters in the story which made it more human and relatable. I’ve lived in Korea and I can say that most of the stories of the people who joined Yeongju in the bookshop somehow reflected real-life stories of people you meet in South Korea. This reflects the author’s deep grounding in social dilemmas that many members of the working class face in real life. Perhaps that is the reason why the book was a hit locally. It almost felt like I was watching a Korean neighborhood drama with its dynamic conversations in between storytelling. Each character brings with them their take on life and represents our unending pursuit of life’s meaning.
These are purely my interpretation of the book and I welcome your thoughts about it, too.
Things I’ve enjoyed (spoiler alert)
Courage to take full control of your life
The bravery that Yeongju took in changing the course of her life and opening a bookshop. Although her back story came later in the book, I was surprised how a woman like her would brave the path of ending her long-built career and living a life completely different from what she had started. Let’s be honest — in this world where one is judged for what he or she has accomplished through work, it is a brave act to leave everything you have built to pursue a childhood dream like the one Yeongju has — opening a bookshop.
“Running an independent bookshop was like roaming a stretch of land without roads. There was no tried-and-tested business model.”
I was also amazed at how she bravely faced the danger of being ridiculed for her one-sided decision on her relationships. Whether it was her partner or her mother, she took full responsibility for her life despite the uncertainties of her unconventional life decisions.
Redefining success and oneself
Minjun was one of the characters I truly admire. I like his very human reflections on one’s struggle to fit in the mold. He worked super hard to reach what was defined by society as a path to success — study hard and land a job. After struggling to find a job after all his hard work, he decided to no longer conform and pursue life how he wanted it.
“How much of our time is truly our own if we devote ourselves to work and the company we work for?”
I was struck by it and made me reflect on who truly owned my life all this time. I guess, I liked how Seungwoo said that it’s okay to pursue a work that you like but it doesn’t stop you from doing things that you love.
I also liked how Heejoo tried redefining herself once she took over one of the book clubs. If you are a Korean, you would know how big of a deal it is on how people call you. Most of the time, if you are a woman, your personality evolves as you take on new roles in life. Once you are a mother, you have become someone’s mom. People in your neighborhood would start calling you “[your son or daughter’s name] Mom” and no longer by your first name. The scene where she introduced herself as Heejoo was an act of taking herself back which I think was a brave act for women, especially in a setting like South Korea where females are expected to take roles like being a mom or housewife above their individual identities.
Lastly, what I truly liked about this book is how it pays homage to the beauty of books.
It gave us a glimpse of how books can be a piece of solace amidst the chaos in life. It showcased the connection that books can create to their readers and how powerful they are to move communities and minds. I like how it was said in the book:
“Reading makes you deviate further from the textbook definition of success because books don’t make us go ahead of or above anyone else; they guide us to stand alongside others.”
I liked it overall. I hope you liked the book, too.
When I was in college, one thing I was too excited about was to be part of an organization that I like. Not like the usual academic clubs and organizations in high school where we were forced to be part of, in UP, we have the liberty to choose our organizations.
I have many options. I can choose an academic organization that can help me get through my studies; a varsitarian organization that can help me link with people who have the same interests or roots; a debate organization that can give me trainings –there is just too many to choose from.
But I chose to be part of UP SIBOL, a socio-civic organization that helps the marginalized sector through outreach and development-oriented programs.
Helping the marginalized? It seems ambitious. As an ideal college sophomore, I had that level of ambition to contribute to something bigger than myself. Something that I think I can achieve through UP SIBOL.
And yes, it helped me. A lot.
When I got in through a process that felt like hell, prime motivation was still aligned with SIBOL’s mission of uplifting the lives of many communities through little ways of a student-led organization. We have several outreach programs that cater to the kids, indigenous peoples, mothers, and many more sectors that needed attention.
It gave me something to look forward to. It provided an avenue for my passion to serve the community.
Joining means you care
I am no rich kid. I came from a middle-class family that happens to encounter financial struggles every now and then. But I grew in a family of givers — no matter how small, we should always share. That’s what my mom taught us when I was a kid and she continues to influence us ’til this day.
When I joined UP SIBOL, it felt like I am finally leading a life with purpose.
I remember so vividly my first activity as a newbie in my organization. We had our annual Street Kids initiative where we held a Christmas outreach program with the abandoned kids of Laguna.
It was a fulfilling first of many.
I can still remember the night before our outreach, we were too busy preparing food items and collecting Christmas gifts for the kids. With no decent sleep the next day, my heart gained tons of happy cells and energy when I saw smiles from the kids when they received their Christmas gifts.
We had so much fun. I had so much fun and it felt really good.
And that was the beginning of my journey of sharing a part of my self to the people I think we have to give our attention to — the poor and the marginalized.
Deeper, meaningful programs
Our programs expanded from catering to the street and abandoned kids, to providing opportunities for mothers to receive alternative learning.
It was one of the things I really liked about SIBOL — arms wide-open — we are ready to extend assistance in any possible way that we can as a student organization.
And when I got back from my study program in South Korea, I was too happy to know that we are finally touching more lives of not just kids but IP kids.
The Aetas of Zambales gave us another opportunity to extend our hands and hearts to the community.
AETAguyod is a brainchild by one of my seniors (also one of my early mentors in the organization), Sonny.
When Sonny was elected President of the organization, he had a chance to pitch the program to the members and alumni of UP SIBOL.
Sonny envisioned it holistically address the immediate needs of the indigenous kids in a school run by Franciscan nuns in Zambales. This school provides IP kids an opportunity to receive primary education for free including daily meals and lodging. However, like any other social institution, the school lacks sustainable funding and has difficulties in many aspects.
Sharing a piece of ourselves
More than helping them receive donations and immediate supplies, we wanted to empowerthem. That is for sure. We believe that it is always more than the material things.
As most of the resident members are development communication students, we did series of community analyses on how we can help. We have personally learned from them their views and perspectives about our society as a whole.
It dawned upon us that more than the material things that we think they are lacking or haven’t had the privilege to enjoy, I personally felt that, what they lack is the confidence to face the world with their roots and culture. They are not proud of who they are.
They never felt that they were normal people experiencing discrimination on a regular basis. This made them feel like they are inferior individuals and that being an Aeta is something to be ashamed of.
Hence, most of them stopped believing in the future, they stopped dreaming.
And that’s quite sad, right?
Imagine children without dreams? Children without faith in themselves
and what the holds for them?
For our our first attempt to help them realize that they are important part of our society and that there are people who believe in them, we worked harder to let them join us in UP Los Banos.
We raised funds from our own little ways to fund their trip and did a benefit concert* where they shared their excellent talents with the UPLB community.
*All proceeds went to fund their immediate needs including supply of food.
Students of St. Francis Learning Center performed to the UPLB Community during the AETAguyod Benefit Concert organized by UP SIBOL.
They had fun and the people enjoyed every performance.
They were applauded and supported by the community.
We were touched by the fact that there are so many students who are willing to share a part of themselves in making the Aeta kids feel loved and valued.
On my own little contribution, when Sonny asked me to host the program with Bryan, I immediately said yes. It was surreal.
Bryan and I served as the hosts for the benefit concert held in 2013 for the Aetas of St. Francis Learning Center.
They thanked us, numerous times. But in reality, it wasn’t us who helped them. It was them who helped us realize so many things in life.
They weren’t just the ones with new dreams — we learned to dream bigger as well, not just for ourselves, but for them. I think that’s the best thing I learned to treasure in my heart over the years. I won’t stop dreaming for others.
Caring continues
The concert was just the beginning of our journey with the AETA kids. We had several outreaches in the community. Conduct of learning experiences about proper nutrition, culture appreciation, livelihood making, and a lot more! We did our best to transfer knowledge that we have to their community that we think will be useful for them someday, or somehow.
UP SIBOL have been instrumental for me to realize that opportunities are limitless when it comes to giving and caring.I can always be an instrument in making someone’s life a little easier and lighter. I can’t sponsor a child (yet) but I know I can always try to be an inspiration to them to dream big and conquer their struggles.
Preparing the kids’ breakfast during our visit last March 2018.
There is a Chinese proverb that goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
True enough, many people have claimed that the road to happiness is actually the road traveled by givers and carers. Happiness is found in caring for others.
I guess what I’m saying is this: I know for a fact that these things are so little compared to all the big battles we are all facing — poverty.But I know for sure that if caring continues for these people, slowly, we are letting them know that they are not fighting the battle alone.
❤️
To know how you can help, send @UP SIBOL a private message on Facebook or talk to me (we have something exciting in the pipeline). 🙂
Hello, non-existent readers!
Thank you for dropping by.
So, I plan to do this thing called “Katie Up!” A somewhat regular updates on things that I like and issues that I think matter to me. This is my version of Sunday Currently.
Writing
I am currently writing a concept note about a campaign. So, I am doing an intensive research even if I am currently in a break (Holy Week). I am also finishing my story about my recent trip to Vietnam-Cambodia-Thailand. Yes! I did the Indochina Backpacking and I am so happy I did it!
Reading
I am reading George Orwell’s 1984 and I am loving it! Orwell’s writing is really superb. I think he is a master of storytelling. He vividly described everything and knowing that this literature exist for decades now, wow! It is still relevant and very, very, appropriate. A real classic. I guess it’s among the best books that I have read now. Hopefully, I finish reading this before my birthday which more than a week from now.
Listening
So, Andrew Garfield is currently speaking about his “Angels in America” that I think will be in broadway again soon! I like Garfield’s accent. He’s cute, too!
Thinking
What to do next, thinking of my plans whether to take masters or continue law. Nakakastress drilon. I am turning 25 na and I am sooooo nervous about what’s ahead. But first, I need to figure out where I want to go. Bow.
Smelling
My Vietnamese coffee (hoarded boxes of coffee when I went to Viet Nam!). I am so inlove with their coffee! ☕️
Wishing
I am honestly wishing to get a new working environment, to start something new and I am really wishing that the Lord will grant me the best things for me right now cos I am so tuliro~
Hoping
Hoping for a hassle-free vacation/trip to Puerto Galera on the coming weekend! I badly need an escape right now. Ayoko mastress sa byahe kahit alam kong medyo impossible gurl, cos Holy Week.
Wearing
A gray shirt and a maroon shorts. Super comfy pambahay dahil I am so home in Laguna! Sobrang peaceful sa bahay, hay. 🏡
Wanting
I want a new set of sandals, air diffuser and a new closet. Hahahahahaha! Sobrang tita ng mga gusto ko sa life lately.
Needing
Money. True. 💸 More time to think about life and to relax! More time also to earn more money! Hahahaha.
Feeling
Okay. A little bit anxious. I am thinking of really doing a big shift right now. I don’t know how and when but I just have this feeling that I need to do something way, way, better than what I am doing right now. Ganito talaga ko e. Gusto ko yung maeexcite ulit ako, yung machachallenge ako at mag eenjoy ulit ako sa ginagawa ko. I am currently not feeling that with my current work. I am also so de-motivated at what I do. Hay, it is too hard to explain. I don’t know how. I just need to breathe, I guess? Looking forward to the weekend with my loves! 🌞
How about you, how’s life lately? Hope it’s treating you right. 💋
Yes, I am starting over. Na naman? Been blogging since 2008 via Tumblr. It was active til 2011 but then I got busy with my life. And I dont know what happened next.
I started blogging again in 2015, created a new URL but then, content-wise, it’s a trash site. I got bored and the site became idle to dormant. LOL. Too lazy to maintain.
Oras talaga kalaban mo pag magbablog dahil kailangan mo ng time para umupo, mag-isip at pagtagpi-tagpiin ang mga ideya at istorya sa utak mo.
Trying to be a communications professional, I badly need a site where I can publish some of my musings and articles and maintaining a blog will give me that opportunity. It will also motivate me to write something worth reading. Hence, this. I am maintaining joooycebond, cos I think it’s my “social” alter ego kahit ayoko naman talagang tawagin akong joyce sa totoong buhay.
Please bear with me for some grammatical lapses and boring write-ups. But I’ll make sure to create interesting content from time to time!
It’s my 23rd birthday! I have been really busy all day since I have to finish several work at the office. But I am happy I was able to enjoy my day even if that is the case.
I am not a party-kind of person. I have always preferred simple and intimate time with my friends and family for special occasions. This year was no different except that I am far away from home. It was actually my first time to spend my birthday at work! If it weren’t for the loads of urgent papers that I have, I would have filed a leave on this day but I can’t.
I woke up and went to the office on time, just like any other day – well, except that people were greeting me and giving me extra attention the whole day. We had simple celebration at the office. Just like how I wanted it to be. At home, my mom cooked some food for our family. They sent me some photos! Even my birthday cake! Told them to just eat them all!
One thing that surprised me the most on this day was the unknown sender of flowers at the office! It was sooo beautiful! Lovely flowers!
The whole afternoon, I was just wondering who the thoughtful sender is! Found out that it was from someone I didn’t expect! HAHAHAHA Bat mo ko bibigyan ng bulaklak? Why would you spend so much money for this? Ano to? Like, nakakaloka ka!!! :O What is happening. I am so clueless but I guess it’s a hint? I dont know. I don’t want to assume pa.
To end the day, I had dinner with two of my best amigas, Jean and Lara. They gave me this little cat, lots of KitKat, and this cute cupcake! We had a nice time talking about how we’re going to spend the rest of our busy adult-life. HUHU.
Birthdays are always special to me. It is one of the few days that I look forward to every year because it gives me enough reason to thank and appreciate all the people who make my life wonderful and bearable. And just like my any other birthdays, this year, is so special in my heart. Thank you, guys.
PS. I felt bad about M. Some people thought that he was the one who sent the flowers, hence, they asked him a lot of questions and I think he’s a little bit annoyed. I’m super sorrrrry huhu
under the sun 